A nugget from another super funny and talented woman I admire :)

Mindy Kaling

R.E.S.P.E.C.T

We all want to be respected right? Shout it from the rooftops, walk away from people who don't give it to us or strive to earn it from others. What about respecting yourself? The same goes for love and care and the warm fuzzies we so desperately seek from everyone. Everyone but ourselves.

The self respect and love I talk about here may not fit the standard definition of what these words may mean to you. Here it is about loving and respecting your body and mind in the best way you can for yourself. I have finally reached a stage of body image acceptance, for the most part love myself and can honestly say my self esteem is much more solid than it ever was; but I realise it is all incomplete because lately I have been neglecting to respect my body in one hugely important way – taking care of it.

                                               

The past year has been tough. Emotionally a mine field with super high highs and very low lows. The end of a marriage, the start of a new life, loss of people I truly loved and gaining intriguing new experiences too. While I have been absolutely super at taking care of my emotional health, my physical health has been pushed aside and how. I try and challenge myself creatively and intellectually but physically errrm … not so much. I indulged my every possible indulgence and have gone from one extreme to another in terms of what gives me pleasure, whether it was good for me or not.

I do that. I know I'm prone to extremes when it comes to taking care of my body. It has been a binge and purge cycle. And now I can feel the after effects! I also openly admit that I am lazy and a complete hedonist so I realise that I have been looking at this the wrong way. Therefore, am beginning to retrain myself to acknowledge that respecting my body by treating it better with things like exercise for example is not a punishment, it is a pleasure. A pleasure to feel your body move and do things better and better. And yes even a pleasure to bite into that piece of chocolate after. A pleasure to be able to be still healthy enough to do these things in the first place! It is a slow process but it is a start :) For you it might be a different journey; you might be fabulous at taking care of your psychical health but struggle with the emotional or need to remind yourself to take a breather every now and then. We all respect yourselves in different ways or don't for that matter.

I personally want to respect my body in a more wholistic way not only because of wanting to look better but so I FEEL better. This includes curtailing certain things I know aren't the best for me, moving more, challenging myself and fuelling myself better. AND continue to love myself for who and what I am, wobbly bits and all.

Whether it's about the body or the soul, I know there will be days when we fail spectacularly. Fall flat on our faces and wonder if it's all worth it. Remind yourself as I plan to - that it is, it always is. Respect and love yourself enough to pick up, dust off and move on and not bash yourself up every time you falter. Find a balance that makes you happy and feels authentic to you.

If there is anything this past year has taught me, it is that I am far stronger and more amazing than I think ;) It is time to respect and love myself in different ways to enjoy just that!

Are you making changes to the way you think? What does self respect or self care mean to you?

:)

Got to love Tina Fey!

Between the Sheets...

Foreword : Let me just start off by saying that if you are uncomfortable about reading or talking about subjects related to sex or physical intimacy, this would be a good time to stop reading this particular post! However, let me just say it is not graphic but just my take on how your body image and intimacy issues can collide.

It took me a while to start writing this post, not because I think sex is 'taboo' but the fact that most people don't really want to look at the naked truth (pun intended). But what made me finally write about it is the fact that what is deemed to be dirty and unspeakable is possible one of the purest forms of pleasure between two consenting adults and the reason we live in this highly populated country in the first place! The older we get or the more sexually active we get (presumably), the more I hear and see about how our relationship with our bodies and how we feel about our appearance has a huge impact on our intimate lives. This is something I assume a lot if not most of us have grappled with over the years. Remember the old funny line to put off sex that went “honey I have a headache” or are you more familiar with “not tonight honey I feel bloated or my love handles look like they got a bit too much love”?!

                                             

Being insecure or not confident about yourself affects nearly every aspect of our lives, from the personal to the professional. Physical intimacy is one of those areas. A lot of people assume that women are more prey to this kind of insecurity; well, studies suggest that it is pretty much across the board and men are equally susceptible to problems in the bedroom arising due to a negative body image and manifests itself regardless of sexual preference. It is sad that we often don't love ourselves enough to get the loving we want! 

Often how we feel about ourselves is in relation to attracting a partner. So let's just assume that if you are in a position to be intimate with someone means that the two of you have already crossed that hurdle and are indeed attracted to each other. So why then do we let self consciousness become the death knell of what can be a mutually satisfying and fun experience? Research has shown and well if we are all being honest here we don't need research to tell us, that negative thoughts or hang ups about your body affects men and women both in terms of the frequency, experience and performance so to speak between the sheets. Fixating on whether your tummy or thighs look too big or wondering if your biceps look pumped enough or whether your 'assets' are awesome enough, whether you have too much cellulite...the list can go on and on. It sadly just takes away from the desire that drives us into that position in the first place.

And however the insecurity manifests itself it has a lot more to do with self confidence than your actual physical attributes. Less to do with how you actually are and more with your perception of yourself I would say. And all it does is take away from the fun. Worrying or feeling a little self conscious with a new partner is pretty natural I would think but it even affects people who have been together years and still don't feel comfortable being with their long term partner except under the rosy cloak of darkness or on days they feel 'perfect'. If your body is always a source of anxiety, you rob yourself of the fact that it is also a source of immense pleasure.

A feeling of inadequacy not only kills the intimacy once you are in the bedroom (or wherever floats your boat) but also prevents you from meeting and opening yourself up to people in the first place. And later this negative self image is also related to sexual dysfunction, more unsafe sex and fewer orgasms. And don't you think life is just way too short for that?!

No matter what you consider attractive, self loathing is always a downer. To feel truly sexy in your own skin can be immensely liberating. And confidence is always a big turn on!