Between the Sheets...

Foreword : Let me just start off by saying that if you are uncomfortable about reading or talking about subjects related to sex or physical intimacy, this would be a good time to stop reading this particular post! However, let me just say it is not graphic but just my take on how your body image and intimacy issues can collide.

It took me a while to start writing this post, not because I think sex is 'taboo' but the fact that most people don't really want to look at the naked truth (pun intended). But what made me finally write about it is the fact that what is deemed to be dirty and unspeakable is possible one of the purest forms of pleasure between two consenting adults and the reason we live in this highly populated country in the first place! The older we get or the more sexually active we get (presumably), the more I hear and see about how our relationship with our bodies and how we feel about our appearance has a huge impact on our intimate lives. This is something I assume a lot if not most of us have grappled with over the years. Remember the old funny line to put off sex that went “honey I have a headache” or are you more familiar with “not tonight honey I feel bloated or my love handles look like they got a bit too much love”?!

                                             

Being insecure or not confident about yourself affects nearly every aspect of our lives, from the personal to the professional. Physical intimacy is one of those areas. A lot of people assume that women are more prey to this kind of insecurity; well, studies suggest that it is pretty much across the board and men are equally susceptible to problems in the bedroom arising due to a negative body image and manifests itself regardless of sexual preference. It is sad that we often don't love ourselves enough to get the loving we want! 

Often how we feel about ourselves is in relation to attracting a partner. So let's just assume that if you are in a position to be intimate with someone means that the two of you have already crossed that hurdle and are indeed attracted to each other. So why then do we let self consciousness become the death knell of what can be a mutually satisfying and fun experience? Research has shown and well if we are all being honest here we don't need research to tell us, that negative thoughts or hang ups about your body affects men and women both in terms of the frequency, experience and performance so to speak between the sheets. Fixating on whether your tummy or thighs look too big or wondering if your biceps look pumped enough or whether your 'assets' are awesome enough, whether you have too much cellulite...the list can go on and on. It sadly just takes away from the desire that drives us into that position in the first place.

And however the insecurity manifests itself it has a lot more to do with self confidence than your actual physical attributes. Less to do with how you actually are and more with your perception of yourself I would say. And all it does is take away from the fun. Worrying or feeling a little self conscious with a new partner is pretty natural I would think but it even affects people who have been together years and still don't feel comfortable being with their long term partner except under the rosy cloak of darkness or on days they feel 'perfect'. If your body is always a source of anxiety, you rob yourself of the fact that it is also a source of immense pleasure.

A feeling of inadequacy not only kills the intimacy once you are in the bedroom (or wherever floats your boat) but also prevents you from meeting and opening yourself up to people in the first place. And later this negative self image is also related to sexual dysfunction, more unsafe sex and fewer orgasms. And don't you think life is just way too short for that?!

No matter what you consider attractive, self loathing is always a downer. To feel truly sexy in your own skin can be immensely liberating. And confidence is always a big turn on!