The Ugly Duckling

I thought I would begin with this post and it wasn't easy. I decided to lay old vulnerabilities bare because it can be immensely powerful and might strike a chord in a lot of people. Most of us have heard about the fairy tale about the ugly duckling - a little baby bird born among ducks and derided for his lack of “beauty”. As he grows up he eventually realises he is actually a gorgeous swan and is so awesome in his own very way. It is a sweet tale of personal transformation and realising your true beauty as you see in your reflection, rather than peeping into someone else's mirror.

I think for me just before puberty hit and the age where you actually start really noticing how you look was the downward spiral in a sense. It fostered years of comparison and an 'ugly duckling' complex so to speak. My parents and family always thought I was beautiful and emphasised other important things like academics or all my passions (my love for drama had them sitting through many a crazy home production or a voracious reading habit that resulted in huge library fees!). So it was definitely something I inculcated within myself.

The thing is I was surrounded by such gorgeous women. Girls they were then. My cousins. In my eyes I would and could never match up to what I thought were the characteristics that made them beautiful and me not. One had never-ending eyelashes and the skin of a doll, another amazing legs that spoke of the awesome athlete she was and a big, bright smile and another had an itty-bitty waist and a super attractive face. The list was miles long and I never seemed to have anything that featured on that prized list. I love these girls tremendously and probably that made it a little bit harder back then. Because for me, no matter what, they were beautiful. And in my eyes I always seemed a little less pretty, a little less graceful, a little less worthy.... always a little less.

It wasn't just the baby fat or what I thought were nondescript features; I wish I could have told myself that maybe they sparkled a little bit more because I was letting my sparkle be corroded by a constant insecurity. I wish I could have told myself to swim more, act in more plays, sing more and just be more without worrying that I didn't match up. And it so saddens me when I see young girls or boys doing exactly the same disservice to themselves. And of course, some of us well into womanhood and manhood with siblings, friends and peers. It is so damn easy to fall into the comparison trap and even easier to feel like you come out at the bottom.

Self acceptance takes a while and it is a continuing process. But it is essential to grow and evolve and move away from that negativity to truly feel ourselves and grow into our own. My cousins and friends are still the most gorgeous women I've seen and I think I'm surrounded by some amazingly lovely women, inside and out. But just as I will never have those legs or that waist, neither will they have my mad wavy hair or a butt that doesn't quit :) . I may not be able to even manage to hit the ball on a tennis court, but I can write a succinct line or two (or so I choose to believe)!

We are all special. We are all beautiful. We all have quirks and characteristics that make us us. We all need to stop looking into someone else's mirror. If we all looked and acted just the same, it would be a very boring world indeed!

Have you had an ugly duckling moment or phase? Or is there someone if your life you wish would realise how uniquely amazing they are?